Keys to long term Discipleship

There is no way to engineer perfection in anything involving people.  Where there are people, there will be problems.”

But there are always a few things we can do to make a discipleship relationship more durable.

• Some of those things come from the leadership side and others from the person being discipeled.
• All of them require an open conversation about expectations.  Let’s look at just a few.

1. CONSISTENCY

This may well be, far and away, one of the most important principles when working with people. You have to be consistent in three areas in particular.

1. frequency(how often you meet up)
2. duration(how long you meet for)
3. focus(the direction of your meet-up)

2. Frequency

Many discipleship relationships involving people who genuinely want to meet together to grow have been sunk by the unending search for an available time to meet.

If you have an every-other-week rhythm and you miss a meet-up, you’ll go a month between meetings.

• Life happens fast and discipleship relationships need to be consistent to keep up.
• Have a set time and day.
• If you must miss, don’t wait until your next meet-up, but reschedule.
• Meeting consistently is critical early on.

3. Duration:

You may start getting last-minute cancellations if your time together lasts a few hours.

• Exams,
• Fatigue,
• Or errands can’t always be pushed aside for marathon sessions.

Meeting too short can have the same effect as having too long of a meeting.

• If the commute or the time it takes to arrange for childcare lasts longer than your meet-up, it can start to feel “not worth it.”
• Consistently meeting for 60 minutes gives everyone involved a chance to budget enough time to meet.

4. Focus:

Everybody likes surprises, but your discipleship relationship’s weekly direction shouldn’t be one.

If you constantly move from Scripture to videos to activities without clear direction, things may not go as you hoped.

• Discipleship is “a long obedience in the same direction” to quote Eugene Peterson (quoting Nietzsche).

Your time together should build towards a specific goal

5. DEFINING THE RELATIONSHIP

So is a discipleship relationship mainly Bible study, accountability, or counseling?  Yes.

Discipleship relationships involve all three of those things and more.

Our problem is when we limit discipleship to just one of these things.

• If you primarily think of “Bible study” and the person you are working with thinks of “counseling session,” you’ll both feel like the time could have been better used.

Talk about what it will be like before you start meeting and maybe at the beginning of the first few sessions.

• Develop a plan to help you use your time wisely and communicate expectations.
• Make sure you also communicate what faithfulness looks like in your relationship.

As a leader or participant, do what you said you would do in your last meeting.

• If you are committed to reading, journaling, or memorizing scripture, do it.
• As a discipler, don’t be afraid to hold them accountable.
• It’s not a power trip! It’s gentle accountability and teaching faithfulness.

6. A FUNCTIONAL ENVIRONMENT

Not everywhere that’s fun to hang out is functional for discipleship.

• If you know you’ll discuss sensitive issues, a crowded coffee shop with shared tables may not be a good choice.
• If you know you’ll be using worksheets, walking together may make it tough.
• Adding a meal to your time together can shorten your time significantly if you’re not careful.
• The wrong location can hijack your meet-up despite your best intentions. Plan carefully.
• Find a regular place, if possible, to add consistency.
• Discipleship is “a long obedience in the same direction,” to quote Eugene Peterson (quoting Nietzsche).

7. A RELATIONSHIP OUTSIDE OF MEET-UPS

You’re probably doing it wrong if you only see each other every other week during your meet-up.

• You’ll need to spend some time together in ways that don’t just center around growing.
• It’s incredible how meaningful those times can be and how they can make the time you meet together deeper.
• Have a meal together on your off week or join them in a hobby they enjoy.
• Discipleship without a friendship is insincere.

Remember that your discipleship relationship will still be imperfect even if you do all these things.  It’s the price of being human.

• Don’t forget that even Jesus used to express frustration over the discipleship relationships he was involved in.
• Those relationships weren’t perfect even though he was.
• Take the pressure off yourself to hit a home run with every meetup and be faithful.

Discipleship Relationships don’t have to be perfect to be good, meaningful, or life-changing. But they’ll never be good, meaningful, or life-changing if you let your need for perfection stop you from being in one.